


I hope your bacon burns

by princessfart



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Howl's Moving Castle Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3629508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessfart/pseuds/princessfart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Billy Kaplan owns a moving castle, Kate is cursed by a small kid of chaos, Teddy chases down a moving castle, and they all live in New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. how it starts

It is said that the stars on the skies reign upon the lives of those below.  
There is no evidence of stars not being just big balls of fire hanging out in the sky, though, i´m not sure anyone will fight them if they come down.  
The stars were the only light out when the tale about to start began: Kate Bishop was trying to waltz (as in -dance, since she was drunk at the moment) her way into her apartment, when a small hooded warlock, mage or whatever he was supposed to be cursed her.  
Suddenly, Kate Bishop was an old lady.  
However, she did not know this until the next day, in the haze of the sunlight she approached the mirror and instead of finding a young lady staring back at her, there was a tiny old lady.


	2. In which Kamala finds Kate and Kate gets into a huge moving castle: also, alliterations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY FIND BILLY

Days passed by, and Kate Bishop wandered around the town, she cursed at things, kicked at things, and just had a general disgust about the world surrounding her, in her days of youth (like last week, for instance).

Curse the little child devil! Kate did not see him clearly, he was just a small douchekid wearing a hoodie, hanging out in New York in the middle of the night...then her phone buzzed, as it was expected, her room mate, Kamala was calling her, Kate was many things but rude was not one of them, so she picked up the phone, and invented a excuse: her room mate was pretty sure there was other sort of business , and the old lady that was once a youngling was also sure about that, so it was no surprise to either part that Kamala tracked her down sucessfully, she was standing a few phone boxes away, however Kate could recognize her pink bag (with a bunchload of Mage people) or her long blue coat, perfect for the cold winds of winter, Old Lady Kate, or Ancient Kate, was pretty cold in that moment, and very jealous she did not own a coat as great as that one.

Anyways, Kamala did recognize her, she had this thing, called the power of friendship, and she could just tell that old lady wearing a bunch of purple clothes was her friend, i mean, who else besides Kate would wear head to toe different shades of purple?

She did not know how to approach, and Kate had the eye of a hawk, since she was you know, actually a superhero called Hawkeye, spotted her and ran as fast as she could, she was not very eager to drag Kamala into this whole mess.

But well, Kate actually had a idea about who could fix this, well, she had two:

Option 1 was Sorcerer Supreme Steven Strange™, alliteration seemed safe to her, however, she had no idea how to report what happened, in her head it went somewhere like:

“Hey Stephen, i might have gotten drunk in the apartmant of a classmate, his name is Victor Mancha, he lives two apartment buildings away, great name, sort of like Don Quixote i guess, great book, forget i might have been drunk, well, when what i pretty much figure is a ten year old with magic powers turned me into an old lady, i can´t walk long distances now”

Then she had no idea what else would happen, he was not only an Avenger, but an Alliterate Avenger, another alternative appeared as an attractive advantage: the mystical man in the moving mansion (actually castle let´s keep it that way for the alliterations), she had no idea where the castle was supposed to appear in, but she knew it popped up around weird hipster coffee shops, so that´s where she hung out for weeks, while Kamala prowled around her appearence places.....

Until one day, the castle poped out, outside of a hipster coffee shop, of course, and a guy with very messy dark tuxedo mask-ish hair and a red plaid tshirt came out to order a coffee (as black as it can get, he ordered).

Kate sneaked up into the castle as he strugged with three different cups of very hot, very delicious, very decent coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how a "New York" works so let´s just pretend moving castles can just hide.


	3. IN WHICH TEDDY HEARS OF A MYSTERIOUS WARLOCK HIS FRIEND KATE MIGHT HAVE RUN OFF WITH.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHORT CHAPTER-  
> Teddy appears into the story.

It was a normal RPG playing evening for Kamala Khan, her beautiful red bag and Teddy Altman, kree prince in disguise.  
Teddy was one of the KK team favorite buddies, he has a humble alien prince, nice and as shiny as the sun itself, he had that contagious glee that made people want to be around him.  
He was also a very clever and nice guy, a great Hufflepuff, if you asked them.

In a classic Teddy way, he knew something was wrong as song as he walked into the apartment and found Kamala walking from one side of the room to the other one, her hand stroking her chin slowly while the other one laid in her hip, this, and the lack of Kate with a laptop in the couch near the window was a sure sign something was super wrong.

It took him around 15 minutes to get the truth out of Kamala: Kate Bishop had turned into and old lady and might have ran off into a moving castle owned by what was rumored to be, a heart-eating warlock.

Of course they were going to get her back, so they started plotting....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a very short update but TEDDY!!! :D


	4. In which Billy Kaplan gets knocked out in his own kitchen.

Billy Kaplan was certainly confused when a frying pan knocking him down into the wooden floor, it was a good thing this room in particular was always clean, since tommy was the one that cleaned him and not....him.  
However it was a bad thing that he was in the most dangerous room in the castle: the kitchen, and that in the table next to him there were 3 cups of very hot, delicious coffee, and they stood right up in the edge.

Before he could even stand up, he felt a feet against his back, he sneaked up a peek and there she was: an old lady with very purple clothes, holding up the weapon/frying pan.  
He could sense the “Old lady” part was just an illusion, underneath there, there was a girl around his age, incredibly angry, holding a frying pan against his general direction.

This was not the strangest situation Billy found himself in, at least in the past few months, Tommy was the one that found him and told him “Hey, maybe we are twins!”, and yeah, they were indeed. His brother was fast,furious, and pretty much in danger for stealing pretty much everything he owned, he had to help him, even if they were almost strangers.

So they built a moving house, and kept on the run, even if Tommy could probably do it on his own, he wanted his brother to be safe, to have a home, to be able to go into a house at night and sleep on his own bed, he wanted Tommy to live the life he had, sure, this was not his fault, however had them and leaved them behind was probably to blame for all of this, but Billy could just not stand leaving behind a brother.

Around their third week in the moving house he started to hear rumours, that he was now the high warlock of New York, that they stole organs and sold them, that it was just a promotional move from a movie, there were rumours about probably everything illegal surrounding them, but nobody really tried to stop them, which meant they were sort of safe, probably.

He had found himself cleaning up a house, owning up a pet, getting visitors, all sort of changes, that´s why the old lady with the frying pan seemed like something that would probably happen at some point.

At some point during the whole fight thing, Tommy found himself lured into the room by the delicious smell of   
“Woah THERE! BURGLARS!”  
Tommy became a green blur around them, in a matter of seconds the old lady was in a corner next to a refrigerator without the weapon, Billy was sort of in the floor but at least he could breath, and a cup of coffee stood in Tommy´s hand.  
Next thing they know, the other two cups fell down into the floor. “WELL SHIT MY PRECIOUS BEVERAGE” , said Tommy with growing concern about the precious cups.  
“OLD LADY!” shouted Billy full of concern about the old lady that could be a young woman, it was unclear.  
“YOU!” shouted Kate, full of anger with a pointed finger raised up.

Before they could make any sense out of this mess, they stood in silence, face to face.

It made little to no sense. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep another short chapter i´m very sorry! i have no idea what to do with this anymore tbh


End file.
